My first memories of talking to God are from the age of 6--shortly after our move to Nebraska following my parents' divorce. I didn't know how to sort through all of the emotions I had, I just knew I needed a safe release. God was my safe release. I'm not sure I knew I could talk to others (although I now know I could have). When I felt happiness or when I felt a surge of sadness with that empty space I felt in my heart when I missed my daddy the most, I would pray. Always at night I would pray, "Now I lay me down to sleep..." This is still the prayer that guides me every night before I sleep.
My life has not been perfect. I have had difficult and regrettable moments. But, the Lord has continued to be my Shepherd and has lifted me up when I needed Him the most. I shouldn't be surprised; that's His purpose and His joy. He chooses to love me because I am His. But, while my life has not been perfect, it also has not been tragic. I haven't had to struggle through times where life seemed to stand still. Sure, I've felt heartache and regret and failure...But, never have I had the option to doubt my faith.
I recently attended two funerals in one day. I met neither of these people prior to their passing, but learned much about them from their services. All day I was faced with people whose lives are on pause. A momentary pause in life that is heart-wrenching and faith-shaking. I have never had to face the loss of a loved one or even the tragic misfortune of circumstances that plague so many lives (e.g. debilitating diseases, etc.) My faith has never been shaken.
And, so, I've begun to wonder--how do these people keep the faith? I pray on a frequent basis that the Lord build me up so that when I am faced with any of these unfortunate things, I keep my faith and carry on, knowing that God is God. God doesn't change just because life does. I am so thankful for my life and the numerous blessings I hold, and pray to God that I will be thankful even when life does not seem to be worth thanking Him for. The plans He has for us are beyond our understanding. I know He is preparing me for my future with each passing day and so I continue to thank Him for my past, my current, and my unknown.
Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.
1 Peter 4: 12-13
